The one with the 表叔s

The little ones engender such profound yet subtle effects on adults. Sometimes you won’t realize that you’re doing things that you don’t normally do. So awhile ago, i was thinking what the baby nephew would call my cousins by.

I established that the baby nephew would call my eldest female cousin as 大表姑. Then the others would be 二表姑, 三表姑 and so on. Alternatively, they can be called using their names like 阿婷表姑.

Then when i come to the uncles, i kind of got lost. Here’s a tricky question. My 2nd auntie has a son who is one month younger than my 3rd auntie. So which one is the 大表叔?

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The one with the little one waking at 0500

Time now is 0520. The baby woke at 0500 having wetted his pants and shirt. His first feed was still two hours away, but there was no stopping the force of nature. Fed him at 5+, mum heard the cries and came out of the bedroom and is now putting the baby back to sleep.

While waiting for the littler one to finish his milk, i lay back onto the mattress to attempt to sleep. But i couldn’t and my mind wandered. I began thinking about the girl i saw just the night before. I was at my aunt’s place for dong ji (winter day; where we eat glutinous flour balls) and was coming home on my bicycle.

Anyway, i only caught a glimpse of the girl, long hair and stuff, 10th floor, my wing of the building. She could be living above me, lol. (Security cameras in the lift with the Tv in the void deck invades privacy that much.)

So the imagination wandered and i imagined talking to her, she was asking about the baby, then asked me to go her house for a coffee or something, entered the house to discovered it empty, no one else was home, she lived alone, and happy things usually evolves from there, lol.

Hmm.. coffee sounds nice now.

So here i am, blogging about my neighbour whom i’ve not even seen the face.. Oh well..

Ok, mum has managed to put herself to sleep. Baby is not one bit sleepy at all. Now turning to my direction at the computer, i don’t think it’s going to be long before he starts screaming for me.

Ok.. ciao. Baby to attend to.

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My body lies in a casket

I’ve redone the lyrics for a nursery song which i’m going to sing to my baby nephew very often. Here are the lyrics:

My body lies in a casket

My body lies over the ocean
My body lies over the sea
My body lies in a casket
Oh bring back my body to me
Bring back, oh bring back, bring back my body to me, to me
Bring back, oh bring back, bring back my body to me.

They dug a hole for my body
They dug the hole six feet deep
They dug the hole in a cemetry
To bury my body in it
Bury, oh bury, bury my body in it, in it.
Bury, oh bury, bury my body six feet under.

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Little one bumped his head

Omg.. the little one fell off the mattress. So poor thing. He was in the middle of the mattress and i was accompanying him. Just then, the kettle in the kitchen began whistling, the water boiling.

So i got up to turn the fire off before heading back to accompany the little one. And when i returned, the little one was off the mattress, head floor facing, cheek floored. The pain had yet to set in for him to cry.

I quickly scooped him up for a hug and he started crying, right cheek looking a little reddish. Omg omg. So poor thing.

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Thou shalt adhere to the five second rule; now pick it up and eat it.

—

When i was over at very fond verily christian friend’s place for dinner, i shared the kid’s table with her kids, sitting on the floor while there are empty chairs around. Well.. LB is like that. He likes to use kids’ stuff.

Anyway, her older son was eating a slice of pizza, and kids being kids, dropped the whole slice of pizza onto the floor. Being the nasty evil man i am, i told the little boy to pick the pizza up to eat.

And then my eyes went O.o

The mum helped the boy pick the pizza up and replaced it onto the kid’s plate for consumption. Let’s just say that i know of parents who would scream if they saw their children eat food they picked up from the floor.

With an airy brush of a dismissive hand, she told me that she cleans the floor, so it was really ok.

As i thought about it, it did kind of make sense. Afterall, LB has been picking up and eating food from floors that are in much worse state than clean floors. Most memorable was my 7-11 burger where my patty fell onto the ground and i picked it up to eat it, sand and all. And i’m still alive and seemingly healthy so far.

I think that kids are way too pampered these days. Surely a little bit of invisible dirt is harmless.

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Of the little tums

The baby nephew is now very demanding. When he’s over here in the house, he demands that his grandma is within sighting distance at all times. And when mum goes off to do her stuff, or so much as turn around to face the direction, the baby will launch into an all out wail.

Something peculiar about the baby nephew is that he is now very fond of shaking his head. I’ve absolutely no idea where he learned that from. Or maybe it’s the labels on his clothes causing an itch, and being not quite knowledgeable enough on how to reach back to scratch yet; maybe he he learned to shake his head because he wanted to scratch the nape of his neck.

Ok, sleepy now. Maybe blog again tomorrow.

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Of heartbeats

Mum took the stethoscope out the other day, and i gave it a try to listen to my own heartbeat, which sounded something like this:
boo-boop—–boo-boop—–boo-boop

Then i tried it on the baby nephew, which sounded like:
bo-bop-bo-bop-bo-bop-bo-bop-bo-bop

His heart beat was going fast like mine when i just finish a run. Is it really normal?

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No time to think of title, dinner now.

Here’s a list of things that lbandit hate. I hate it..

- when i have to change the baby nephew’s nappy after he has poo-ed.
- when i accidentally dab my finger into his poo when i’m cleaning him up.
- when i have fingernails and the poo goes inside the nails.

Normally when the inside of my nails become dirty, i would think of KFC. Coz one round of eating the fried chickens, the fingernails would become clean. It’s like magic. But of course, i don’t give much thought as to where the dirt has disappeared to.

Anyway, i’m glad to announce that i’m normal like you sane people and didn’t think of fried chicken after i’ve dabbed my finger into the poo. Atl east not until i started blogging for the day. But i’ve digressed. Let’s continue.

– when i have to eat lunch right after i clean up poo.

Fortunately, it wasn’t KFC.

Anyway, the baby nephew is slowly imbibing more and more formula milk these days. And as a result, the whiff of his poo has level up too.

– when my mum asks me to peel potatoes.

Coz whenever i hold a potato in one and and the weapon, sorry i meant peeler, i would think of the time used a peeler to peel my finger. Accidentally of course. It took out a tiny chunk of flesh from my pinky finger. Not enough to go to the A&E but enough to drip quite a number of drops.

I remember feeling a warm fuzzy sensation where the blood was oozing out. I once told my cousin about such sensations that you have when you’re bleeding, and he thought that i was either extreme or psychotic. Oh well..

Anyway, i strongly advise anyone who’s thinking of voluntarily attaining such warm fuzzy sensations to NOT do it. Coz it hurts like hell after that initial nice feeling. Plus, there’re so many more, and probably superior, ways of getting a warm fuzzy sensation. Try an orgasm instead.

Til the next time, don’t peel you fingers with potato peelers.

And don’t eat KFC after you touch poo.

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What do babies have nightmares about?

Sometimes i wonder what it is that babies dream about. Not having learned language, they certainly don’t dream dreams that involve words. Do babies remember faces? Do they dream about people? What really piques me is what babies dream about when they have nightmares.

One website stated that babies can have nightmares about things that are worth crying, which could possibly include being left alone or dropped or even feeling hungry. Which makes me go omg, does my nephew have nightmares about the time i managed to giap his fingers on the crib door? Is that why he doesn’t smile as often when i carry him?

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