On Saturday night, the nephew was here to stay for the night. Having heard of his nocturnal heroics from his father, we were prepared for a rough night. So it was, the crib was in the living room, the part of the house with the coolest air, and i had a sponge bed spread out beside the crib.
The baby was rather ok. Slept early as did we.
At 1am, team nephew began to sound the alarm for the attack. Team lbandit, right in the front lines, rushed to the defence. Team lbandit carried the baby and tried to ooh and cuddle him into submission. It was all to no avail, team nephew had turned into an all out attack with tears streaming down his cheeks pooling in his ears.
By then, news had reached team mum that the defence lines had crumbled. Team mum rushed out to the battlefield. It was only then that world peace was achieved. Mum said that the baby was afraid of the dark and the lights had to be turned on. Team lbandit had to sleep with the lights on. Woe woe lbandit.
5am. The morning bird chirped at the balcony, the silence unbroken as it was a Sunday morning. Neighbours are probably still drunk from Saturday’s party. Then without warning, as if in anticipation, the morning bird fluttered and flew away. Team nephew, the slumbering giant, was rousing from his sleep.
Team lbandit went ahead to scout. He heard a strange sound that went like “poot poot”. He went “Oh no”s, though he didn’t think, as i’m doing now, of the Kinokuniya girl who went “Oh no”s when she had swiped his card for credit instead of nets.
The harsh truth about conscription is that the troops are never prepared and always under-trained and out in the field, are doomed to die. Hear this and hear me. Compulsory national service does not do what we think it would do. In any case, team lbandit was never trained in changing nappy. He rushed into the back lines to get reinforcements from team mum. Only to discover later that it was a false alarm. The “poot poot” sound was a baby fart.
And so it is, i conclude this epic battle in the archives of the blogosphere.